Tuesday, May 08, 2012

Anti-Piracy Gets My Goat - A Poem

Hello all. I was a guest on AllFM's "The Marmite Files" on Sunday, which is a comedy panel show every month taking up half of the "Marmite Junction" show that day. One of the rounds is known as "PPRS" or "Poem, Prose, Rant or Song" where each contestant/guest can talk about the topic of that month's show. This month's was "What Gets My Goat".

Like any good guest, I prepared for it at 3am on the day of the show. My PPRS was about the attitude towards Internet piracy. Unfortunately, I felt it might be a little too political, and I wanted to be invited back on the show. I ended up improvising a bed time story about how computers stop working very well after 3 years.

Back to the poem though, I thought I'd share it with you now since I didn't use it on the show. Be warned that the structure is a little off (it was 3am after all) and I'm far from being as good as Danny Chivers.

Anti-Piracy Gets My Goat - by Peter Shillito
Picture one day, in the month of May, I want to see a movie.
Films a-plenty, snacks, there were many, but the prices, they were a doozy.
Tickets: eight pound? Boy how I frowned, and left feeling quite woozy.

I went home that night, following my plight, to download the film instead.
Illegal? I confess. But those prices depress and got me seeing red.
But before you go sue, here is my cue, to share with you what's ahead.
Statistics have shown, that those who download, buy more than those who do not.
Yet the large companies, more skeptic than bookies, treat the pirates like snot.
People won't buy without giving a try, unless they know it is hot.

What I'm trying to say, is that the Pirate Bay, should definitely not have been blocked,
It's a promotion tool, you silly fool, some artists confirm that it rocked.
But at the end of all this, some companies take bliss in constantly staying shocked.

What gets my goat, before I fetch my coat, is people treat it like theft.
It's advertising, not stealing, the original is still left.
Now if you'll excuse me, I bought a DVD, and if you haven't guessed,
I downloaded it months ago, but back then my cash flow...got a little stressed.

Addendum: Following this post, I checked the ticket prices for Crewe cinema. After they got taken over by Odeon (previously Reel Cinema), normal adult tickets are £7.10, but then there's £2 extra for 3D films, plus £1 for 3D glasses (which you can apparently re-use). Basically, that's £10.10 for a cinema ticket (and 2D films are getting fewer and fewer these days).